One day at a time? More like 5 years in a day!

Wow it has been a long time since I have posted. My last post was when things were going pretty good.... or so I thought. In July me and Brandon hit a rough patch and things got pretty ugly from there on. I won't go into detail but our marriage was pretty much over. We started marriage counseling and it was mainly him going because I REFUSE to take the kids to that and well... babysitting is expensive on top of the $40 copay a week and basically having only one person who even can watch Kylie. After a decision on one of our parts that things were over and one of us needed to move out we had a LOOOOONG talk. Needless to say we are working on things and things are slowly getting better. I still have a lot of hurt and I'm sure he does too. I have recently started going to counseling for some of my own issues and I'm really hoping that this time I can really open up and work on things. If I'm a total B because of it please forgive me, I have a lot on my plate right now.

Can I never get a break? Us moving I thought meant I got to actually be home during the day while Andrew was at school.... NOT! Kylie has had almost 2 appointments every day so we are pretty much in the car from 8-5 and then dinner, homework, shower's/baths, meds, bed and by that time I'm exhausted and ready for bed only to get little sleep, get up and do it all again the next day. I thought CRS was supposed to HELP with this???? No instead I go for 2 separate appointments on 2 separate days when it would have been more convenient to just have gone to the actual Dr.'s office in the first place. I feel like this is never going to end and as long as she has all these medical needs I won't be able to do school or keep a job. I feel worthless, I can't make anything of myself and if I had to get a job and could? No EMT places will hire with no experience because everybody else wants that job too so basically that leaves me with a minimum wage fast food job which for some people might be ok but not us. I have to have medical insurance and just between me and Kylie there is no way a minimum wage job would even pay for all our copay's. Ahhh I try to be such a positive person but lately it is hard! I see all these people losing their children and I think "wow, how selfish am I to be venting about all this when I should just be grateful for what I have." I guess for now all I can do is breathe and stay alive.. one day at a time right? :/

I'm sad today

Most days I sit down and go through all my friends updates on Facebook and I do OK. Not today. For some reason today is different and I look at all these sick kids and break down and cry. It's not fair! I know God has a plan but sometimes I just can't help but wonder WHY the children? Why can't the criminals get all the sicknesses? Seriously, though these kids are so innocent and it breaks my heart to see these children go through SO much. These kids are why I believe in miracles and omgosh these kids are AMAZING! So it's obviously going to be an emotional day for me as I sit here mad/sad crying for all the pain and suffering they go through. <sigh> and yet my blog ends again because Kylie is throwing up :(. Does it ever end? Where is this light at the end of the tunnel they told me about?

My first blog

So I finally got suckered in to creating a blog. For the first day I'll keep it light and just say how thankful I am for my family and friends. I have the two most amazing children and I can't imagine a life without them. Not to mention a husband who would do anything for his family. I love them so much, what more could a girl ask for? Ok well I could ask for a lot more especially regarding Kylie but we won't go there right now. Today Kylie is sick so we are probably just going to have a lazy day. I'm enrolling myself back into college for the Fall yikes! It's not going to be easy with 2 children, 1 of being a special needs child. I'm scared but excited and at the same time wish it was done already :). Well, Kylie is throwing up again so I guess that's my blog for the day :/.