Sunday, September 18, 2011

One day at a time? More like 5 years in a day!

Wow it has been a long time since I have posted. My last post was when things were going pretty good.... or so I thought. In July me and Brandon hit a rough patch and things got pretty ugly from there on. I won't go into detail but our marriage was pretty much over. We started marriage counseling and it was mainly him going because I REFUSE to take the kids to that and well... babysitting is expensive on top of the $40 copay a week and basically having only one person who even can watch Kylie. After a decision on one of our parts that things were over and one of us needed to move out we had a LOOOOONG talk. Needless to say we are working on things and things are slowly getting better. I still have a lot of hurt and I'm sure he does too. I have recently started going to counseling for some of my own issues and I'm really hoping that this time I can really open up and work on things. If I'm a total B because of it please forgive me, I have a lot on my plate right now.

Can I never get a break? Us moving I thought meant I got to actually be home during the day while Andrew was at school.... NOT! Kylie has had almost 2 appointments every day so we are pretty much in the car from 8-5 and then dinner, homework, shower's/baths, meds, bed and by that time I'm exhausted and ready for bed only to get little sleep, get up and do it all again the next day. I thought CRS was supposed to HELP with this???? No instead I go for 2 separate appointments on 2 separate days when it would have been more convenient to just have gone to the actual Dr.'s office in the first place. I feel like this is never going to end and as long as she has all these medical needs I won't be able to do school or keep a job. I feel worthless, I can't make anything of myself and if I had to get a job and could? No EMT places will hire with no experience because everybody else wants that job too so basically that leaves me with a minimum wage fast food job which for some people might be ok but not us. I have to have medical insurance and just between me and Kylie there is no way a minimum wage job would even pay for all our copay's. Ahhh I try to be such a positive person but lately it is hard! I see all these people losing their children and I think "wow, how selfish am I to be venting about all this when I should just be grateful for what I have." I guess for now all I can do is breathe and stay alive.. one day at a time right? :/